PurpleBubba's ~ Periodical Prose of Ponderings ~

PurpleBubba's ~ Periodical Prose of Ponderings ~

I'm trying to collect my thoughts a bit here. Time is going to start really flying by here and it feels like I'm going to get swept away by the winds that are outside. I've got my Positive Train going forward but one thing about trains is they are hard to slow down. 

The questions are:
What do I want?
Where do I want to be?
Where do I see myself short term and long term?

These are major questions because employers ask them. And some of those I cannot tell the truth on if I'm trying to be careful. But I know me. I have a hard time lying.

I need to be careful because just because a carrot is in front of me that I may have wanted before it does not mean its the carrot that's right for me now after I have done what I have done. I know where I would like to be. I know the type of place I'd like to be in. The problem is I don't know if that place exists or if they exist where I want them to be location wise. I have to be careful with getting jobs just anywhere. People don't want to hire me and put time into training me only to have me walk out the door on them.

What do I want?
This used to be a much simpler answer. For years I've simply wanted to be the stylist that listened. Who only trimmed what was asked for or less. Nothing has changed with that. I want to earn trust no matter what I am doing for my guest. But that's one of my issues. The What I am doing. I've just spent 8 months finding out that I not only can do more than help people with their hair, I want to help with more. There are salons and chains that do just haircuts. There are some that do cuts and colors but no perms. There are some that do nails but not facials. But even if I find one that does all of them the question is do I get to do them all for the guest who comes in to see me? Or does the manicure table and facial bed belong to the person at that station? Its probably one of those things that is different from place to place depending on what the place is like. But I don't want to have to give up doing things I found out I enjoyed for the sake of making a dollar behind the chair only. I found out that I enjoy being a cosmetologist. Its one of the few words I feel comfortable using to describe my profession. I'm a long way from doing all of those things well. But I don't want to miss out.

Where do I want to be?
Ok I'm going to be as honest as I can here. The fact that I have to walk on eggshells with this question really bugs me. I understand that a salon owner and the other employees don't want to train people who aren't going to stay. But I don't like that I would have to avoid this question nor try to lie about it. I know that long term I'd like to be somewhere other than where I am. But I am also realistic that I cannot predict that far ahead. I cannot even predict next week. I do know that there are some things and situations in my life that need to change or I'm going to fail. There's also that ever present possibility that I'm going to meet her and get married and have children. How is that going to change things? Will I have the same dreams and goals then? Will they be able to happen?

So I applied to a salon that's nearby. Its been a few days. They haven't called. And I'm left wondering to myself what happens if I get hired there? For 5 years I've wanted to have the chance to work there. But I know nothing about them. There's not much to research online. All I know is they are within walking distance. But here I am wondering what happens if I do call them or they call me and the owner wants to train me? I've got this whole big world ahead of me that withint walking distance may or may not be what I want right now. I may want a different within walking distance. And I don't want to waste anyone's time let alone mine.

All I can do is keep my Positive Train going forward. If I miss out on this or another salon because I don't call them, it is what it is. It was meant to be. I hope everyone understands that. Because everyday I get a sign that tells me that no matter how changed my plans get I am still on the right track. For better or worse I am supposed to do or not do the things that will or won't be done. It just is. And I'm not going to spend my time regretting. I have too much to live for to spend my life flipping through the channels of nothing good is on.

Make no mistake about it, I want to work for what I get. I want to earn it. I want to learn it. Your time is always precious to me. No matter how you spend it with me. The best way for me to pay back those I love is to not give up. To not live in the past. I've already elminated so much regret and pain. But I have more to do.

If you are a potential employer and you've read this, thank you. And the best way for me not to waste your time is to be honest.

Thank you all for reading.
I Love You <3
~ No Tangles ~